Thursday, April 1, 2010

There's a reason why he's "my better half".

I haven't posted much lately.

I haven't felt the need or the want. I'm sure I haven't lacked silly little things my children say or embarrassing moments that make me feel as if Alzheimer's is right around the corner. It's just that I felt like there was something missing. Actually not something, it's someone.

My husband has been on a temporary duty assignment for his employer. He has been gone almost a month. The last time it happened, I was preoccupied with making a major move, so I think I didn't really have time to truly feel how much I missed him. This time...the feeling was almost tangible. Kind of like pulling a box off a high shelf expecting it to be heavy and the momentum of yanking toppling you over as you realize there's nothing in the thing. Or kind of like opening the mailbox hoping that special little something is in there, only to see that yet again, a dark, vacant space.

My mom told me once that when Dad left for Vietnam, she had a doctor's appointment and she told him she felt down and even homesick, but she didn't understand that because she WAS home. He told her it was possible to feel homesick for a person, someone you love. She told me she cried a lot while he was gone. (It certainly didn't help that she was pregnant with me at the same time, I'm sure.)

I can't imagine, and I don't want to imagine, what it must be like to have a husband on deployment. I don't have to worry about him getting shot at, or stepping on a landmine, or anything like that. For those of you who do have someone overseas, I don't know what I could do to help that would ease your burden, because I'm sure all you want is for your loved ones to be HOME.

And yet, the dinner still has to be put on the table, and homework checked, and booboos bandaged, and kids woken up in time to go to school, and church callings to fill, and errands to run. I'm doing what needs to be done. Other stuff has had to wait. Including blogging everyday.

Thankfully he'll be home in just days, and pretty soon, in just hours. I know I won't feel right until that missing part of me is back. Until then, everything else just gets the half-hearted attempt, because that's all there is of me to do it.


Anonymous said...

Now I think you are finding out what it is like for a women to lose her husband to death and the lonliness and senseless wandering around the house not wanting to really do anything. I really don't look forward to that time. I've experienced a little of what it was like when he was away for a year. I learned THEN that life really needs to be SHARED!!!!---- to make sense.

Sarah Bishop Jackson said...

What a sweet sentiment towards Mike. I know you miss him a lot and will be so happy when he is home.

Crystal Escobar said...

oh man, I can't imagine being without my husband for that long. My husband was gone on a hunting trip for 10 days once, and it was the hardest 10 days ever. I too was pregnant at the time :) so I was more emotional of course :)