Monday, March 22, 2010

This is progress?

When nature first called, the only place to go was, well, nature.

Then someone probably caught on that digging a little hole and burying waste was much better than watching one's step constantly.

And then a deeper hole, and then a deeper hole, and then a little shed for privacy.

I think chamber pots were a step backwards. Why would you want to have to clean a container out after carrying the stuff to a hole, or a street, or a gutter which makes people have to watch their step again? Ew.

And then there were flush toilets, albeit at first it just got flushed to the river. Ew again. But flush toilets in concert with sewer systems with proper waste treatment facilities have to be one of the best inventions of all time.

Until....Some "back to nature" environmentalist thought up the "low flush toilet". Supposedly such contraptions save water, thereby conserving a precious natural resource, which in turn reduces one's carbon footprint, yada, yada, yada, "cough" global warming, etc. etc.

It is a lie. It actually uses more water. Why? Because if you have to use more than one square of toilet paper, or, heaven forbid, you are there for a long time because all that "organic/vegetarian/high fiber" stuff you're eating to stay naturally healthy is going right through you, then that puny little toilet tank will not have enough water to send everything on it's way. You will flush more than once, and that's if you're lucky. More likely a plunger will be needed.

Using a plunger is risky business. In some cases a full biohazard suit is recommended. It takes a delicate yet firm touch to properly plunge without plunging your hand where you don't want it. And guess what? Children do NOT have the proper hand/eye coordination skills to do it properly, which is a problem because guess who is likely to use a quarter roll of t.p.? You got it. Even when they realize they do not have the skills to deal with the problem, they are not smart enough to NOT flush before calling in a professional. They flush first and scream later, assuming they even stick around to wash their hands and notice that the toilet is not flushing properly, which runs the risk of a flood before help can arrive.

So my invitation to whoever invented the "low flush toilet", and whatever uptight bureacrats decided to jump on the green bandwagon and make the normal, working toilets illegal, is this: you want to save water? Go dig yourself a latrine. The rest of us modern, civilized people would like our proper toilets back. I realize "crap happens" but that doesn't mean I want it all over my floor.


Natalie said...

That's too bad. Are you sure it's not just the model. Mine works just fine, better than my old water guzzling one. But I remember that when they first came out 10 or 20 years ago they weren't that great.

Andy said...

I am always thankful for toilets. I never thought about water-saving toilets with children. Yeah, that would be a problem. Never thought of that before.

On another note, have you used a bidet before? I wasn't quite sure what they were in Spain, but once I figured it out, they were lifesavers. I think you know what I mean. Some days, toilet paper just doesn't cut it. If I ever get a dream home, I will want a master bedroom with both a toilet and a bidet.

Lourie said...

These people must in cahoots with the folks who wanted to shelve some books I know about. ;)

Pam said...

AMEN AMEN AMEN!!! We'er having the SAME problem, word for word!
Only I made the mistake of putting the blue thingy in there and it's plugging up the works before the water comes out to help! Never going to do THAT again!

Sister Pottymouth said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is awesome. When we remodeled our 1970s house, I asked to keep one of the old toilets (the one that was still in good shape) so we'd have at least one decent flusher. Sure enough, it's the one toilet in the house that never needs to be plunged.

Charlotte said...

The house we're leasing right now has those low flow toilets that are old enough to be the worst flushers ever! No what else they don't flush? Legos. Learned that the hard, way, too.

I agree 100%.