Monday, November 16, 2009

Cold and chance of light showers...

from my nose apparently. There's no fever, just the constant drip, drip, drip.

I'm also waiting for the "survey call". No, not to ask me which fabric softener I prefer, the call from the moving company to set up an appointment so they can "survey" (read "poke their busybody noses") all around our stuff so they can estimate how much it's going to take to pack up everything. I've cleaned many incriminating corners already but...I'm not even related to them, and they're going to be looking at my tarnished cookie sheets! And don't get me started on the closets, and OH, the bathroom cupboards, and the shelves above the washer and dryer, and, and, oh dear.

I think Family Home Evening theme tonight will be, "Let's Imagine What Lehi's Wife Made Her Kids Do Around The House Before They Left Jerusalem For Good."

Sarai: Girls! Take down those curtains and shake them outside! Boys, you sweep out all the stables outside.

Laman: Aw c'mon, Ma! We're not coming back. You're never going to see it again, anyway.

Sarai: I'm not going to let those thugs that want to off your father think that I was a lousy housekeeper.

Lemuel: But the STABLES, Ma? Gross!

Sarai: It's no worse than the state of your bedroom.

Laman: Can we load up the gold and silver afterwards then?

Sarai: You KNOW that stuff will put us over the weight limit. That stuff stays. Gertrude's knees aren't what they used to be.

Lemuel: Stupid camel...

Sarai: Don't you put down Gertrude. She's paid for. Nephi!

Nephi: Yes, Mother?

Sarai: Have you packed the tents yet?

Nephi: Dad's still trying to find the tent stakes.

Sarai: Where's Sam?

Nephi: Um, well...

Sarai: What?

Nephi: Sam had the tent stakes last when we were airing out the big tent. The hired hands had just finished rolling it up when Dad noticed the stakes were missing.

Sarai: WHAT?!

Nephi: Dad's unrolling it now, I'll see if Sam was inside it.

Sarai: Heaven help us.

Unnamed Daughter 1: Mama do we have to move?

Sarai: We go where your father's boss tells us to go. You know that.

Unnamed Daughter 2: But what about....

Sarai: ...I know you'll miss the neighbor boy, but honestly, I think you'll find someone nicer if you just keep an open mind.

Unnamed Daughter 1: No one cares about what we feel about all this.

Sarai: Sometimes it's not all about you.

Unnamed Daughter 2: You're so mean.

Sarai: Are those curtains shaken out yet?

Daughters: No.

Sarai: Get to it! We're leaving tomorrow at dawn and the house has to be clean by nightfall!

Lehi: Sarai, do you know where the rotisserie stands are?

Sarai: Lehi, we are NOT taking those with us.

Lehi: They just need a little repair, I can fix them on the way...

Sarai: NO! It's just more weight. YOU were the one that said we had to pack light.

Lehi: But honeycakes,

Sarai: Don't you honeycakes me, mister. I'm giving up my indoor kitchen so you have to sacrifice something too. And did you find Sam by the way?!

Lehi: Sam's fine dear, he just smells a little more like camel-hide, no harm done.

Sarai: You didn't spray down the tent the last time you had it out. Sam is going to attract flies all the way to Egypt now.

Lehi: At least you'll always be able to find him.

Sarai: You're going to be the death of me.

Lehi: Yes, dear. By the way. In your packing up, have you seen my Torah?

Sarai: I don't know. I told you I wasn't going to be responsible for your personal scriptures. I can't keep track of everything.

Lehi: No need, I'm sure they'll turn up eventually.

Sarai: Just don't ask me to come running back here after we've been on the road and you realize you've forgotten them.

Lehi: No, no, wouldn't dream of it.

Laman: That's my slingshot! Give it back!

Lemuel: Is not, that's been on my bedpost since my last birthday!

Sam: Is too, I saw you take it.

Lehi: Stop it boys, you're going to upset your mother.

Laman: But he took my...

Lehi: We'll get you a new one when we get to the promised land. I mean it, if you kids fight I'll put you behind Gertrude in the caravan.

Laman: Aww, Dad! Not Gertrude.

Lehi: Adjust your attitude then.

Lemuel: Great, we're gonna smell as bad as Sam now.

Sam: You shut up!

Sarai: Boys! If you want to take your chariot scroll collections, you better clean your rooms right now before I throw everything away! I swear I hate moving.

Lehi: Last one dear, I promise.

Sarai: Sure, sure.


Lourie said...

I am sorry you have a drippy nose, but I am happy to see your sense of humor has maintained. That was bloody brilliant! Hahaha. "Your father's boss" hahaha. Too funny.

Pam said...

Yea how come my nose has dripped dripped for the past few weeks? What do we have anyway?

Well at least you haven't lost your humor.
You reminded me of myself when we had a maid in Germany. I used to clean the house BEFORE she came, hahahahaha.

Pam said...

Very well written by the way, it's too bad we still don't have road shows. I'd love to see one that you had written. Maybe you'll become primary or young women's president and you can have a stage play some day. Sacos would be so proud!